Happy Holidays from Cranky Fitness! Plus, Very Last-Minute Gift Idea

photo via James Vaughan

By Crabby McSlacker

Whatever winter holiday you celebrate, and whatever your favorite traditions are,

photo via James Vaughan

let's hope it was, or is, or will be, a lovely, peaceful, and joyous occasion! I'll be very curious if any of you are willing to share what your winter celebrations are like.

I've been blogslackin' again, but not just due to the buying-a-new-house-on-a-whim shenanigans. I'm back to working on my novel again. (Yay?)

But not being around as much as I used to be, I've been really missing everyone. You guys rock! You are part of my community, part of my family even, and I know exactly how weird that sounds. And so before I start the whole New Year's Resolution Let's Kick Ass in 2016 yada yada yada stuff, I want to sincerely wish you all the happiest of holidays. 

As you may know, here at the Crab and Lobster household, we are not religious. Nor do we believe that there is a  jolly fat guy in a red suit who circumnavigates the globe distributing presents with the help of flying reindeer. Thankfully, we have no children to indoctrinate with any improbable Christmas myths either. Because isn't that a weird cultural tradition when you think about it?  "Let's all lie to our kids about Santa Claus until they get old enough to figure out that we're full of shit. So when it's time for those "stay in school" and "don't smoke" and "be nice to everyone, even the unpopular kids" lectures, we'll have absolutely no credibility!

But again, no kids here, so what do I know?

So anyway, we celebrate "Christmas" because that's what we both grew up with. But it's a Christ-free, Santa-free, low key version of Christmas. "Christmas Lite."

It's mainly about connecting with family and friends.  And hell, let's be clear: it's also about desserts. And Presents. We've tried to be grown-ups and skip the over-eating and the presents part, but as it turns out? We like stuffing our faces with sweets and getting and giving presents.

Every year we say: "let's not do anything about presents this year!" "Let's not eat a whole bunch of cookies and cakes and candies until we're ready to explode!" And every year, we are totally lying.

Fortunately, we both grew up with the "open presents Christmas morning" tradition, not the horrible alternative, the jump-the-gun, Christmas Eve unwrapping.  I know this is customary in some countries and cultures, but WTF? You wake up Christmas morning and the holiday is already over? No, no, no, a thousand times no! That's just wrong. (For us!) 

We also drag Christmas morning out as long as possible. One person, opening one present at a time. Everyone watches and exclaims. Even if we are just opening gift cards for retailers we have specifically requested ahead of time.

This year, we are more geographically far-flung than usual, which is a bummer.  But we are hoping to have a happy Skype-mas and share the present unwrapping festivities via the interwebs.  (Fingers crossed).

But Speaking of Christmas Presents...

Do you sometimes find it hard to buy something that is useful enough not to be a total waste of money, yet not so everyday-useful as to be a bit... unexciting?

No, actually, they don't.

photo via James Vaughan

I can not recall the last time I fondled my vacuum-cleaner.

photo via James Vaughan

Or maybe you just want to buy yourself a present? But one that would actually reduce suicidal or homicidal ideation during a stressful holiday season?

Well, some of you may be ahead of me here, because as you may recall, I'm a big fan of Rick Hanson's programs, and his awesome Foundations of Well-Being Program is on sale if you sign up before January 1st! Plus, there's a 30-day money-back guarantee if you sign up and then flake out.

Am I an affiliate? Hell yes! But the reason I pimp for Rick is because he is insanely smart and helpful, not because I get an occasional check. I get tons of affiliate offers (God knows why, for an almost-dead blog, but whatever) and I turn 'em all down. Because apparently I'm too stupid to be motivated by money.

I could go on forever about what a great resource the program is, because not only do you get Rick's presentations, there are guest speakers, activities, quizzes, forums etc, plus a monthly live Q&A. 

This stuff really works: you CAN rewire your brain for more happiness.  But gosh, guess what? It takes a little practice, and consistency, and effort. Most people find that without some kind of structured program, it just doesn't happen.  

(Note: if you plug "Rick Hanson" in the search box at Cranky Fitness, you can read a scary, almost stalkery number of posts singing his praises. To sum up, Rick is (a) brainy (b) warm (c) funny (e) humble (f) pragmatic (h) straight-forward (i) entertaining and (j) a hell of a nice guy.

Could you, or anyone you love, benefit from a program like this? Then get a move on, and if you pay for the year upfront before January 1, you get a big discount. More info at the Foundations of Well-Being site.

Of course I can't find my affiliate log-in info, because I am a disorganized nincompoop, and waited 'til the last minute to put this post up. So if the link doesn't work, bear with me, I'll figure it out when Rick's peeps are back in the office. Just let me know if you try to sign up and it ain't happening. Also, I'm not exactly sure how you gift it. There's always the endearing home made gift certificate approach, right? And then you figure out the sign-up thing with your recipient once it's not a surprise. (Or heck, there may be a gift option, but I can't get very far in the sign-up process to test it because I'm already signed up).

Oh, and in other business news, I just wanted to alert and remind anyone who's thinking about going to the Prevention R3 Summit in Austin with me that it's coming up before too long: it's January 15th and 16th.  Remember when I blogged about the R3 Summit? It's a women's health summit with tons of speakers, demonstrations, etc, and now they've added Joan Lunden to the line-up too.  Maybe a little motivation for any New Years goals you may be contemplating? But our discount code has changed, it's now PVNR3SDCRANKY1. (But I'm NOT an affiliate on this one, just attending for kicks and possible free food).

So what do you guys do to celebrate (or not) the winter holidays? Any other good very last-minute gift ideas?

Pack it in, Pack it out!

Guest Post by Jan Bono

Well folks, Crabby has messed up post-scheduling yet again. (Shocking, right?) She should have run this guest post by Jan B much sooner. Why? Well because it contains a December 10th deadline for ordering what could be a nice little Christmas present for a loved one, or hell, yourself! At least if you're the sort who actually aims to give Christmas presents on or before December 25th.  There's still time, but alas, not much. Crabby hereby apologizes and swears she will try not to be such a nitwit in the future.  --Crabby

In Crabby McSlacker’s recent Checkin' In blog post, she invited us to let her know what we’ve been up to, what we might be planning, and what’s on our minds these days.

Yes! She actually wrote that! So I’m taking her up on her invitation and telling you all how I’ve managed to abandon my daily fitness regime, immerse myself in a pool of self-pity, and resent the everyday exercise opportunities that have been forced upon me.

But wait! There’s more!



Regular readers of this blog will remember that Rick, my travelling companion, tech guy, and "forever fiancé," died of congestive heart failure last April.

What followed was a horrid downhill spiraling of emotional and physical pain, and an eventual abandonment of any semblance of healthy food plan.

Rick, as my Tech Guy, had been responsible for setting up my website, making my entire house a wifi zone, and doing the internal hyperlink formatting necessary for getting my eBooks into the “Premium” distribution catalogs.

Without him, I didn’t know if I could even continue writing, and if I did, how would I get my books out there for others to read?

But way back in the farthest, darkest, cobwebbiest corners of my mind, I begrudgingly remembered I had made him a pinky-swear-promise just days before he passed. I had sworn that this was the year I would get the first two books of my mystery series published and available in time for the dreaded “Holiday Bazaar Season.”

Technically, the mystery books were finished last year. But last year, as Rick’s health deteriorated, he pushed me to put “Back from Obesity: My 252-pound Weight-loss Journey” on the front burner. It was a huge undertaking, and just one day before he went into the hospital for most of the final eight months of his life, we completed the book.

But what about the mystery series?

In 1985, I had an idea for a cozy mystery series set along the SW Washington Coast. Write what you know, right? I had the main character, a few secondary characters, and the general plotlines of 8 or 10 books pretty much figured out. But life intervened, and I stuck them away in a file folder in my desk for “sometime later.”

With the advent of computers, and with Rick’s help, I resurrected the dream, and completed book one in 2011, and book two in 2013. But try as I may, I couldn’t find an agent or publisher looking to get behind another cozy mystery series.

“Cozies” are a specific type of mystery. They have an amateur sleuth who works with the police department to solve the crime. They take place in a small town. There’s a quirky cast of characters, and lots of humor. What they don’t have is graphic violence or blatant obscene language. In other words, they’re like “Murder She Wrote,” only on paper.

So after a full year of trying to land my books in the mainstream, Rick and I decided just to do it ourselves. We worked together and came up with what we considered fabulous cover ideas, and we were so close to holding these books in our hands, we could almost taste it. (Sorry for the mixed metaphor, but you get the drift.)

But this time, death intervened, and I just didn’t know if I could, or should, power through it all by myself.

In July, I cleared the deck of every other iron I had in the fire and gave myself the gift of one full month to either “crap, or get off the pot.” I was either going to take these books through one final edit and get them to the printer, or I was going to put the file away forever, and renege on my promise to Rick.

As you can see by these photos, I got the job done. Amazingly.

And now I’m hard at work, and working much too hard, for 10 weekends in a row, to haul the books out of the house, load my vehicle, haul the books and display stands in and out of the bazaar venues, set up, take down, and pitch them to eager, and maybe not-so-eager, readers.

Marketing like this ain’t for sissies, that’s for sure!

But I’m hoping that somewhere, somehow, Rick is smiling, knowing how responsible he was for this turn of events, and I’m grateful for his insistence that I follow through “for him.”

It’s been a tough year, and I’m tougher for it. I’m even building back my muscle strength by carrying all these boxes of books up and down stairs.

And I’m eating better and getting my life back on track in baby-step increments.

  

So.... If you’ve read this far, and you’re interested in purchasing either/or Back from Obesity, first two books in the Sylvia Avery Mystery Series, or all three in paperback form, I will promise to get them into the mail the next day if you order by December 10.

You can go to my website for more details, www.JanBonoBooks.com, and order them there. OR, if you message me directly through my JanBonoBooks Facebook page, I’ll give you free shipping just for being a loyal Cranky Fitness Reader!

Meanwhile, I’ve invested in a hand truck, but wouldn’t you know it, the darn thing doesn’t navigate the stairs!